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Krampus v. Santa: Dawn of Righteousness

            Eugene lunged into the closet and threw himself behind the farthest hanging clothes.  Although his heart was beating like a runaway freight train and his breath rasped like the rushing of a strong wind, he held himself as still as he could, hoping against all hope that the thing in his house would pass him by.  He tried slowly pacing his breathing, when he heard the clank of a bell whacking against a chain somewhere in the next room.

            He should have listened better to his mother.  He knew she was facing another round of cancer treatments and wasn’t strong enough to do most things herself.  He should have picked up his room more, helped out with the dishes when he could.  But now it was too late.  He had been bad all year and now, chasing him down in his own house was his just rewards for bad behavior. 

            The rustling of the chains and the slow, methodic crunch of the hoof against the floor told Eugene that it was in the hallway now. 

            It wasn’t as if this was a complete surprise to Eugene.  The older kids at school had tried to warn him that this would be his fate if he didn’t shape up.  But, did he listen?  Of course not.  Well, the time had truly come and now It had come as well.

            The hoof steps paused just outside the door.  Slowly, creakingly, the door was prodded open.  A bell struck the door jam and rang out mercilessly.  The bundle of birch sticks it always carried brushed along the side wall, sounding like the screams of tortured souls longing to escape their fate. 

            “Come out, come out,” The Thing whispered to the dark room.  “I know you’re in here, Eugene.  I can smell your naughtiness.”

            Eugene swallowed a painful lump of air but kept his tongue still.  Meanwhile, his mind raced for a path of escape and, finding no hope, he despaired. 

            And, in the midst of despair, his grandmother’s words arrived unbidden in his mind.  “Little one, do not cry,” she always told him.  “God can help you.  He will always help you if you ask.  What do the ancient words say?  If you cry out, he will answer.  If you knock, he will open the door.  If you seek him with all your heart, he will find a way to save you.  Cry out to God, little Eugene.  Cry out to your Father in Heaven.”

            So, as the monster began to knock its way father into the room, brushing aside furniture, knocking over tables in search of the little boy, Eugene cried out.  “Oh, Father in heaven, I’ve been horrible.  I’ve been so naughty.  But I don’t want to be taken to hell.  Save me and forgive me, God.  I want a second chance.”

            Suddenly, the door to the closet banged open and with a rush of his hairy arm, the monster threw the hung clothes to one side, revealing Eugene with his eyes clenched tightly together, the prayer still hanging on his lips.  Slowly, Eugene pried open his eyes, to gaze upon the face of madness. 

            Krampus smiled through broken fangs.  Its cloven tongue swept out, licking the clothes around Eugene, dusting the air with its fetid breath.  It’s hairy hand shot forward and grasped Eugene firmly by the hair, hauling him from his hiding space.  Without mercy, it tossed him into the center of the room.

            “So,” it whispered.  “You thought you could hide your bad deeds from me, eh?  You thought you could be a naughty little boy forever, did you Eugene?  Well, now your punishment has come.”

            It’s right hoof slammed down on the wooden floor in front of Eugene. “It’s the sack for you, boy.  You’ll get what’s coming to you.”

            “No, please,” cried Eugene.  “I’ll be good.  I promise.  I’ll change.  Give me one more chance.”

            Krampus’ tongue clicked loudly over its teeth.  “Now, now.  No more crying, little Eugene.  The time for crying is done.”  The sack it always carried at its back fell heavily to the ground.  “Now, you must get in the sack.”

            “No,” cried Eugene, with great droplets of tears splashing from his eyes.  “Anything but that.  I don’t want to go to hell.”

            Quickly, the thing darted forward, seized Eugene by the ankle and hauled him into the air.  “You should have thought of that before you continued to be so naughty!  Now,” it raised the sack with its other hand, “it’s into the sack with you.”

            And Eugene was thrust into the blackness of the sack of Krampus. 

            Krampus effortlessly hefted the sack over its shoulder with its right hand and grasped its bundle of birch twigs in its left.  It patted at the hairy pockets of its pants.  “Now, where did I put my chapstick?”

            Suddenly, the door to the room slammed open and one felt-topped boot slammed down on the wooden floor.  “Not so fast, Krampus!”

            It’s tongue lolled out of its gaping mouth.   “Saint Nick!  I knew it was you.  I could smell that infernal cookie smell a mile away.  What do you want?”

            Santa grinned under the folds of his fluffy white beard.  “You’ve got my property and I want it.”

            Krampus hefted the sack.  “What?  Eugene?  This boy’s naughty, through and through.  This boy’s not yours, he’s all mine.  And I’ve got papers to prove it!”

            Santa lifted his finger and pressed it against his nose.  “Oh, ho, ho, ho. But you’re wrong.  Eugene is covered.  I just got the message from the Big Man Himself.  Eugene is under His protection.”

            Krampus absentmindedly whacked the bag with his bundle of sticks.  “What?  God?  If Eugene was under His protection, I would have known about it.  No!  He’s mine, fair and square.  And he’s coming with me!”

            As Krampus thumped one mighty hoof towards the door, Santa hefted his bulk to block the way.  “I said he was covered, Krampus!  Now, get that boy out of your sack and be on your way!”

            “You got to catch me first!”  Krampus yelled as he crashed out the window.

            “Dang it, Krampus!”  Santa yelled.  “Come on!”

            Santa hefted his own sack, filled with toys for all the good girls and boys, and took off down the hallway to the stairs.  His booted feet barely struck the stairs as he glided down and slammed open the front door to the house.  There, not twenty feet in front of him, Krampus was just now rising to its hoofed feet. 

            Krampus glanced over as the front door slammed open.  “Crap!”  Quickly, he took off down the street with his Eugene-filled bag in tow, absently patting himself in the thigh with the birch as he ran.  Luckily, at this time of the night, all the streets were empty and all the buildings were dark.  He took a sharp left at the butcher’s shop and down the dark alley.  The monster didn’t get very far, however, before it found its way blocked by the red and white menace.

            “There’s no use running, Krampus.”  Santa rested his fists on his plump hips.  “You know as well as I that when He claims someone, there’s not a force in this world that can come between them.  Just do the right thing and…”

            Krampus’ bundle of birch slapped up against the side of Santa’s rosy cheeks.  “No way, fat man!  This kid’s mine.  I claimed him, fair and square.”

            Santa’s left fist caught Krampus square in the jaw, throwing him back against the alley wall.  “And I said he’s covered!”

            “Covered, my butt,” retorted Krampus as his left hoof struck Santa straight in his bowl full of jelly, causing Santa to say, “Oof” and fall on his big, red derriere. 

            Krampus hovered over the fallen Father Christmas.  “Now, just stay down, like a good elf and I won’t have to beat you anymore.”

            Santa’s legs swung out in a roundhouse, knocking the hooves of the monster up and into the air and Krampus to the ground.  “No, you stay down and give me that boy!”

              Krampus swung the bag full of Eugene into the side of Santa, propelling the jolly fat man into a crowd of nearby trashcans. 

            “Eat trash, fatty!”  Krampus screamed as it ran toward the mouth of the alley. 

            The trash can lid thrown like a disc struck Krampus directly on the back of the head before it had a chance to get to the mouth of the alley, laying the monster fully out on the cobblestones. 

            Santa reached down and yanked the bag full of Eugene from the monster’s back as Krampus groaned loudly and rolled in pain.  Before the monster could regain consciousness, Santa landed a heavy boot to the monster’s solar plexus just to make sure. 

            Reaching the light of the main street, Santa reached inside Krampus’ sack and pulled out the crying, sweaty boy.  “Here you go, son.  Good as new.”

            “Oh, Saint Nicholas.”  Eugene cried profusely.  “How can I ever thank you?”

            Santa stared down at the boy and gave him a sudden wink.  “No need to thank me at all, son.  No, just spend the rest of your days thanking God.  He’s the one that sent me.”

            “I will, Santa.  I will.”  Eugene yelled as he ran back to his home.

            Santa stepped back into the alley, throwing the sack on the still wriggling goat-monster.  “Now, Krampus, what are we going to do about you?  Should I take you to see God so we can get this thing worked out once and for all?”

            A cloven hoof caught Santa directly in the groin.  As Father Christmas bent over in pain, Krampus took off down the other way in the alley, yelling behind him as he hoofed, “Gotta catch me first, fat boy!”      

4 replies on “Krampus v. Santa: Dawn of Righteousness”

…the prayer still hanging on his lips.

Very nice image here and throughout this Christmas story. Thanks for another free one with spiced nog and cookies.