Christian parents, facing issues of sexuality these days, must feel like firemen faced with exterminating a billion different brush fires. Deal with one situation and another pops up, raging harder than the first. And these issues that we and our kids face daily aren’t easy black and white issues at all. They’re complicated and require a nuance that many believe is beyond their abilities. I’d dare to venture that most Christian parents feel like they’re in over their heads when it comes to dealing with the thorniest of sexuality problems facing their children and themselves today.
The main difficulty with instructing our children in how to think about the concepts of homosexuality, gender differences and sexuality in general lies with the fact that these are real people struggling with real issues and they definitely don’t need to be preached at or condemned. Since the goal of every Christian is not to be the enforcer of God’s law, but rather to be salt and light to a dark and miserable world, how do we handle issues that could easily lead a person to or force them away from hope in God forever?
Well, (after a very lengthy prologue) may I present “Mama Bear Apologetics Guide to Sexuality” by Hillary Morgan Ferrer with Amy Davison. With a great sense of humor married to details that add to the reader’s understanding, Ferrer and Davison walk all parents through the minefield of current sexuality issues. And they do it with an organized design, healthy doses of both grace and truth and enough examples to aid even the thickest of us readers.
The way the book is organized is perhaps its greatest asset. The guide to sexuality begins with a discussion on worldviews, to see what’s really behind the current societal understandings on sexuality. Once that foundation of ideology is firmly in place, Ferrer frames a biblical picture of a healthy relationship before she tackles the mass warping of God’s design. Through its entirety, the book builds truth on top of other truth so that the immense amount of information isn’t overwhelming. General concepts form the foundation, before we delve into the more complicated aspects.
As it walks through the different sexual situations currently being offered in the social cafeteria, they don’t simply present a stance, just so they can beat it into submission with logic. Instead, this book is not just directive, it’s explanatory. In other words, it’s not all “the bible says we should do this, this and this.” Instead, the issues are tackled from a scientific, sociological and biblical standpoint.
There is so much good, balanced advice in this book that it’s difficult to narrow down the most helpful. “We don’t have to compromise conviction to show compassion.” “Guilt and innocence are derived from one’s actions, not one’s demographic.” “Sex-positivity may sound like freedom, but in reality, it’s saying your body has no inherent value and it’s not worth protecting.” The way Ferrer describes the submission/Authority of a God-designed marriage is especially inspiring.
The heart of the book are the chapters on gender and sex-positivity, but again, those chapters are simply building blocks in its scope. All in all, the book is well-researched and backed with a plethora of outside information. In addition, it is constructed so that it picks at the inconsistencies in the ideology and never the person holding the view. Unlike a good chunk of apologetic material, Mama Bear Apologetics is aimed at redemption, at fully defeating the false ideology and offering freedom for the captured.
The chapter dealing with pornography was inventive as it didn’t straight on attack the issue with a moral hammer, but dove more into the psychological underpinnings of porn. The chapter on same-sex attraction was wonderful as well. It was, at times, sympathetic, loving, biblical and honest. I liked that the revisionist position is explained carefully and completely without immediate refutation. It allows, hopefully, one to see that their position is heard in its entirety and that a strawman isn’t being constructed to be joyfully eviscerated later.
At first, I questioned the inclusion of the chapter on True Love Waits. However, nowhere is this drive to pursue grace and truth no matter the cost more evident than the chapter on Purity Culture and the True Love Waits movement within the church. And that’s perhaps the one thing I appreciated above all else in this book is its unwavering ability to call out inconsistencies with ideologies even and especially within the church. If the church can’t own up to its mistakes, it has a sin and pride problem. Humility should start with Christians and extend out from there.
If it seems like I’m praising this book too much, it’s because I am. Too often I’ve read books on the same subject which err on the side of truth and no grace or all grace and no truth. This book is the balance. It treats all humans with the respect and attention being created in the image of God should require. But it doesn’t hold back from correcting some seriously broken and inconsistent ideologies. It defines the stance, holds that stance up to a biblical comparison and then offers advice and real-world steps to dealing with the way our current society views and demonstrates its sexuality.
Every parent and really any Christian that’s dealt with, wrestled over and sweated on how to consider these issues from a biblical and loving perspective should read this book. And, I’m not just saying that. I’m giving this book to each of my five kids for Christmas.