He’d been chasing after Cassie for what seemed like her entire life, but she’d always looked past him, like he was insignificant, like he was not even alive. It was worse than if she had just considered him an acquaintance, someone she sat in front of in Math class or some guy that rode her bus. He may have been on a different planet or been speaking a foreign language. He meant absolutely nothing to her.
He’d been with her through elementary school. He watched her walk past, shedding those huge drops of tears, the time Cassie got called down to the principal’s office for copying off of Sam Wilkin’s Social Studies test. He’d been in the same gym class that time she got hit in the nose with the dodge ball and blood had begun pouring out. He saw how worried she’d been that she might die because of the loss of blood and how Mrs. Spengler the gym teacher could do absolutely nothing to console her. He knew that he could have held her tight and said all the right words. He could have brought her comfort. He could have done something if…only if she even knew he existed.
He’d known her through the awkward years, when she was picked last, when she was overlooked and had no friends. He’d been there that time she had awkwardly glided from table to table in the cafeteria and found no welcoming eyes, no acceptance. His heart ached to see her beautiful smile slowly turn to a frown, her eyes downcast. He yearned to hold out his arms, to say, “You can sit by me, Cassie.” But why would she? He was just another face in the crowd, another swipe on TikTok, another something that didn’t matter to her.
And then came high school and she had really flowered then. Her beauty made his heart sing. Her unveiling of her natural gifts thrilled him, like when she had tried out for the school Spring play and had actually been accepted. And her self-awareness, the way she knew how her beauty and talent affected those around her, made her shine with pride. It affected the way she walked down the halls of high school, almost as if she owned the building and all who travailed within were her royal subjects.
There were times when he thought she may have seen him, may have acknowledged his existence. But for all her blossoming intellect, for all her natural talent, for as great as her circle of influence may have widened, it never widened enough to accept him. Cassie meant everything to him. But he meant less than nothing to her because he never crossed her mind, he never strode through her dreams. She never gave him even a passing thought.
His heart never once fluttered at her approach. He longed for her to approach him, to make the first move. He tried dozens of times to speak with her, to say her name, but she never heard him. She existed solely in her own little world and he…he was a million miles and lifetimes away.
Oh, but he did share in her accomplishments, although she might never know. When she received the Sunnyvale All-District Scholarship for Excellence in Dramatics, he saw how brightly her face shown on those around her. He could tell that day had to be one of her best, most favorite so far of all the days of her life. And she deserved it as well. Anyone and everyone who saw her performance in Mouther Courage and Her Children raved for days. She had so completely become Anna Fielding, that classmates and even the few kids from rival schools, sent to write reviews, couldn’t get the image of her out of their heads for days to come. It would not have surprised anyone to hear that over fifty new crushes were born after that performance.
And he had been there as a silent witness for some of her biggest mistakes as well. Cassie had started dating Brandon Benson, a fellow actor, after he had asked her, rather awkwardly, to the mid-year dance. That dance had almost been a struggle to get through, but Brandon finally gotten over his stiff demeanor and was soon cracking jokes that made Cassie bray like a little donkey.
And soon Brandon and Cassie were an item. They were constantly together, holding onto each other like they’d die if they ever let go.
But he watched them and inside he wept a little. He knew what was going inside boy’s minds, at least most guy’s minds. It really wasn’t a secret. What consumed most teenage boy’s minds was sex. But that didn’t consume his mind. He was different. If only Cassie could know how different he was: how special he was. But she could only see Brandon and high school and her friends and…well, she could see anyone but him.
He’d heard the rumors along with everyone else at the school that Cassie had lost her virginity to Brandon in his car in the school parking lot. And he’d later that she had thought she was pregnant and maybe went to get an abortion. But it was here that the rumors became a bit muddy. Whatever the truth might be, he did know that Cassie and Brandon had broken up not too long from then, whether from shame, guilt or something else, who could say.
And then, seemingly from out of nowhere, she finally, joyfully recognized him. In fact, she walked right up to him one day and asked for his help. He could hardly believe his ears. Cassie actually needed him for something. Of course, he would help her with anything within his power. He loved her. He would do anything for her.
“Please take away my guilt and my shame and give me a second chance at life,” she asked him. “If only you’d do that, I’d do anything. I’d live for your love. I’d go anywhere you wanted me to, do anything you wanted me to. Just please give me peace.”
And she kneeled, staring at him with such pleading in her eyes.
Would he give her what she wanted after a lifetime of unrequited love? Would he do anything for her after the way she had treated him fer entire life? Of course, he would. After all, he had been chasing after her for her entire life.